• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
Go to Expat Living Hong Kong
Get our Newsletter

Lifestyle Guide To Moving To & Living in Singapore - Expat Living HomepageLifestyle Guide To Moving To & Living in Singapore - Expat Living

Moving to Singapore and not sure where to start? Expat Living is the essential lifestyle guide to living in Singapore.

Login Pelcro Shop

Menu
  • Living in Singapore
      • Living here
      • Neighbourhood Guides
      • Schools
      • Property
      • Work & Finance
      • For Guys
      • Environment
      • Readers’ Choice Awards
        • the-mindful-campWhat’s On: Things to do, what’s new and more
        • horoscopes for julyHoroscopes for February 2023!
        • SAS American curriculum cheersWhich is the best international school curriculum for your child?
        • candle holders jewellery shopShop for a Valentine’s Day gift at Cluny Court!
      • View all
    Close
  • Things To Do
      • Things to do
      • EL Events
      • Calendar
      • Competitions
      • Noticeboard
        • horoscopes for julyHoroscopes for February 2023!
        • answers to puzzle expatlivingPuzzle Page answers for February 2023!
        • HYDRADASH55 Best Things To Do In Singapore
        • Singapore islands trips8 Singapore islands for easy day trips!
      • View all
    Close
  • Kids
      • Enrichment
      • Kids Things To Do
      • Mums & Babies
      • Schools
      • Tots & Toddlers
      • Tweens & Teens
        • SAS American curriculum cheersWhich is the best international school curriculum for your child?
        • sawing wood Dulwich College experiential learningGreat outdoor education at international schools in SG!
        • stroller rental singapore Wee WhizzStroller rental in Singapore plus car seats & baby carriers!
        • HYDRADASH55 Best Things To Do In Singapore
      • View all
    Close
  • Homes
      • Home Decor
      • Readers’ Homes
      • Furniture
        • ArtifactHome News: New furniture, home décor & services
        • Originals best sofaWhere to buy a sofa in Singapore
        • Orignals s26 of the best furniture stores in Singapore with online shopping!
        • cleaningHome Cleaning services in Singapore, helpers, housekeeping & more
      • View all
    Close
  • Travel
      • Asia
      • Australia & New Zealand
      • Rest Of World
      • News
      • Travel Offers
        • The-AnamTravel News & Hotel Deals
        • holidays in marrakechHoliday 2023 – Chinese zodiac signs & your best destination!
        • bali villas where to stay in baliA gorgeous new villa in Canggu, perfect for family time!
        • borneoHiking in Kuching and Miri: Trails to add to your bucket list
      • View all
    Close
  • Wine & Dine
      • Asian Cuisine
      • Western Cuisine
      • Bars & Clubs
      • Groceries & Speciality Services
      • Recipes & Classes
        • Maple-Apple-TartNew Nibbles: Foodie news!
        • Afterglow by Anglow vegan30 fantastic vegetarian and vegan restaurants in Singapore
        • Nutritionist Singapore with her family eating healthy plant based dietHer Story: Aleksandra talks healthy food
        • Kopi breakfastAll you need to know about kopi
      • View all
    Close
  • Style & Beauty
      • Fashion
      • Hair & Beauty
      • Beauty Offers
        • Charlotte-TilburyBeauty news: New beauty products, makeup and more!
        • more-than-diamondsFashion News and Sales in Singapore!
        • luxury spas in singaporeLuxury spas in Singapore – Massages & treatments to try!
        • the bared clean beautyHer Story – Amanda Smith talks clean beauty & living in Singapore!
      • View all
    Close
  • Health & Fitness
      • Dental
      • Fitness
      • Medical
      • Wellness
        • yogaHealth News: What’s up!
        • luxury spas in singaporeLuxury spas in Singapore – Massages & treatments to try!
        • the bared clean beautyHer Story – Amanda Smith talks clean beauty & living in Singapore!
        • sexual health relationships and sti'sHow to talk about sexual health – relationships, sexuality and STIs
      • View all
    Close
  • Shop
    • PRINT MAGAZINE
    • DIGITAL MAGAZINE
    • BOOKS
    • Close

Is motherhood important to you, or could you be childless?

12th December 2022 by Verne Maree 4 Min Read

https://expatliving.sg/motherhood-or-could-you-be-childless/

Verne Maree ponders why it is that some women are content to go through life childless, or without having children of their own – while others yearn for them so deeply, even desperately, that their lives feel incomplete without motherhood.

The Baby Question - Motherhood or Is it ok to be Childless?
The baby question

I was always ambivalent about having children. Maybe that’s not surprising, as my own mother did her best to put us off the whole idea. Marriage? Not all it was cut out to be. Pregnancy? Akin to an alien invasion. Giving birth? Like the tortures of the damned.

So, apart from a period of broodiness around the age of 27, I’ve generally felt I could either take it or leave it. If the time and place had been right, had I been in a stable relationship with a suitable man who wanted to have a baby with me, I might have done it. Instead, I fell in love with an older man with three teenage children and a vasectomy. And I married him with not a shred of regret.

Blame it on the Devil

Throughout human history there have been childless women, but – unlike myself – they were generally not childless by choice: in most societies, the penalties were too daunting. From as far back as ancient Egyptian times, and in many cultures all over the world, spinsters and other childless women have been pitied, despised or ostracised for not having fulfilled their purpose in life.

In the Middle Ages, infertility – or “barrenness” – was usually blamed on the Devil, or on the spells of witchcraft. The childless woman herself might be pointed out as a witch and possibly even put to death.

Pope Innocent VIII issued a papal bull in 1484 declaring witches to be heretics, at a time when the stereotype of a witch was a dangerous, lonely old woman. Between the early 14th and the mid-17th centuries, it’s estimated that up to half a million so-called witches were executed in Europe alone, 85 percent of them women.

Health Matters March 2017
How are childless women treated here and now in 2017?

How far have we come?

So, how are childless women treated here and now? It depends where you find yourself. In parts of Sub-Saharan Africa, for example, huge importance is still placed on fertility, and a woman’s social and economic status continues to hinge on it. If a couple is childless, the woman is generally blamed, and risks everything from social stigma and ridicule to physical violence, abandonment and divorce.

You’d think Western societies would be completely different, but are they? A recent study in modern-day Australia, where almost a quarter of all women will remain childless (or “childfree”, as some prefer to call it), revealed that childless women feel stigmatised and socially excluded, even to the extent that it affects their mental health. “They felt mothers were valued, and that women with no children were not.”

Sadly, it showed that only about a third of currently childless women aged 25 to 44 had consciously decided not to have children; another third were either undecided, or were still planning to have children. Twenty-one percent were childless through circumstance, such as the lack of a partner; eight percent through fertility or other medical issues.

For whom the clock ticks

Clara*, a friend of a friend of mine, turned 40 last month, having always assumed that by that age she’d have “met someone and had kids”. She was around 38 when she acknowledged that it wasn’t likely to happen in the next two years, she says, adding: “Even if it did, did I really want to become a mother at the age of 40?”

Like others, she’d thought about going the single mother route. As a professional, a radiographer working within the UK health system, she’d be financially capable of supporting both herself and a child. But after long consideration, she chose not to.

Instead, she spends her savings on travel, and her free time on physical pursuits like yoga, running and gym. She is fitter and slimmer than she’s ever been. Sex isn’t lacking, either: she is happily enjoying a long-term casual relationship that she blithely admits is “going nowhere”. She also has a beloved niece, her sister’s child, to love and spoil.

Tina’s twins

Life took a very different turn for Tina*, a gorgeous and warmhearted South African fashion designer. When a promising * names have been changed ten-year relationship ended, she knew exactly what she wanted for her 30th birthday: to have a baby by means of artificial insemination – the procedure in which sperm are placed in the uterus by means of a syringe.

Luckily for Tina, her parents were thrilled by her decision and, being well-off, promised to support their only child in every way that counted. That included being there to help with childcare – an important consideration when Tina gave birth to twins! – plus setting up a trust to cover their grandchildren’s private school and tertiary education. All went according to plan, and the twins – a girl and a boy who are spitting images of their mother – turn 16 this year.

Just a thought

I accept that not having babies can mean that you miss out on, well, having babies, and also on the physical, mental, emotional, familial and social experiences that may come with parenthood in general and motherhood in particular.

That said, it bothers me to think of those childless women in the Australian study who said they felt excluded and marginalised. It’s desperately sad to think of women so lost in grief for their unborn babies that they’re unable to get on with their lives.

This is an era where a woman’s life is her own, and a single woman is no longer written off as a pathetic, dried-up old spinster. There should be absolutely no stigma. The same goes for being “child-free”, whether by choice or by circumstance. From my own perspective, the time and energy that children require can be channelled into other useful, fruitful and exciting pursuits.

So, while we celebrate the promise of fertility, the unfolding of pregnancy and the joy of childbirth, let’s also celebrate a woman’s freedom to choose how to live her life and where to direct her precious energies.

* names have been changed

 

You can purchase a copy or subscribe so you never miss an issue!

Like this? Read more at our wellness section.

Get the latest events, stories and special offers
sent to your inbox.

By signing up, you'll receive our weekly newsletters and offers, which you can unsubscribe to anytime.

Categories: Health & Fitness Wellness Tags: Baby Health and Wellbeing Singapore Parenting

Verne Maree

Verne Maree is a South African writer and editor who first joined Expat Living way back in 2005 and has called Singapore home for many years. Passionate about health, longevity and the fascinating world of biohacking, she knows that true beauty runs more than skin deep. When she isn't researching articles for EL, you'll find her blogging about health (vernemaree.com) or her latest travel exploits (travelswithverneandroy.com).

You May Also Like

Her Story – Amanda Smith talks clean beauty & living in Singapore!

Here’s how a dental implant can improve your life

Exploring Traditional Chinese Medicine & Acupuncture

Primary Sidebar

  • Competitions
  • Noticeboard
  • Subscribe
  • About
  • advertise
  • Contact
  • Privacy

© 2023 Expat Living Singapore, All Rights Reserved.