10 ways kids are affected by tension at home.
Parental conflict impacts the mental wellbeing not just of the couple, but the entire family. We hear from clinical psychologist DR SANVEEN KANG of Psych Connect about how kids are affected by tension at home.
#1 Marital stress and parenting capacities
Marital stress diminishes parents’ ability to provide consistent and nurturing care. Preoccupied with conflict, they may become less emotionally available, leading to neglect of a child’s emotional needs. Chronic marital relationship stress can result in harsh or inconsistent parenting practices, and a lack of empathy. These patterns negatively shape children’s self-esteem and ability to form secure relationships.
#2 Parental alignment and co-parenting quality
Effective co-parenting, with alignment on caregiving and discipline, contributes to a child’s sense of security. Research shows that even with personal disagreements, a unified and cooperative parenting approach reduces the negative impact on children. Discordant co-parenting leads to inconsistent rules and expectations, which can confuse children and exacerbate behavioural problems.
#3 Parentification
In high-conflict homes, children may take on caregiving roles for younger siblings or even their parents. Known as parentification, this robs children of a normal childhood and is linked to anxiety, depression and difficulty forming healthy boundaries in adulthood.
#4 Children internalising conflict
Children witnessing frequent parental discord may internalise these experiences and blame themselves. Some children believe they’re the reason parents are staying together, creating feelings of guilt, anxiety or depression. This places pressure on the child to “fix” the relationship or behave in a way that maintains family harmony, often at the expense of their own emotional wellbeing.
#5 Absence of positive interactions at home
A nurturing home thrives on warm, positive interactions. Without affirming connections like shared laughter or expressions of love, children may feel emotionally neglected, even without conflict. These moments are essential for resilience and emotional security. Their absence risks loneliness, low self-worth and trouble forming healthy relationships.
#6 Attachment and relationship modelling
Parental relationships shape how children approach relationships. A strong bond fosters secure attachment, teaching communication, conflict resolution and emotional regulation. Unresolved conflict or emotional coldness can cause insecure attachments, hindering trust and healthy bonds. Children may go on to mimic unhealthy behaviours in their own relationships.
#7 Marital dissatisfaction and parental mental health
Marital dissatisfaction takes a toll on parents’ mental health, and this compromised mental health affects stable and supportive parenting. Emotional unavailability, irritability, and inconsistent parenting creates an environment that feels unpredictable or unsafe for kids. This increases their risk of developing emotional or behavioural difficulties, potentially causing intergenerational cycles of distress.
#8 Broader implications for family systems
Marital stress and family dynamics are deeply interconnected systems. A strained parental relationship disrupts the emotional climate of the entire family, creating ripple effects that influence sibling relationships, household routines and sense of cohesion. By contrast, a healthy marital relationship fosters a supportive family environment where children feel secure and valued.
#9 Spillover effect
This phenomenon occurs where stress and negativity from marital issues spill over into parenting behaviours, resulting in reduced sensitivity, warmth and patience toward children, straining parent-child relationships and contributing to the child’s emotional dysregulation. By comparison, positive marital relationships often lead to more engaged and nurturing parenting.
#10 Emotional climate in the home
The home emotional climate profoundly affects children’s mental health. High levels of hostility create emotionally charged environments, elevating stress hormone (cortisol) levels and leading to long-term anxiety issues. Supportive, warm relationships buffer children against external stress, fostering resilience and emotional stability.
With counselling, support and open communication, parents can strengthen relationships, offering children a stable foundation for lifelong wellbeing. Professional support may range from individual therapy for parents, to couples’ counselling and/or parenting therapy. Psych Connect has a team of professionals to support your family’s needs.
10 Winstedt Road, #03-13 | 6493 0244 | psychconnect.sg
This article on parenting in Singapore first appeared in the February 2025 edition of Expat Living. You can purchase the latest issue or subscribe so you never miss a copy!
