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For Guys

Vasectomies: All you need to know about this snip off the old block

Your kids have kept you awake for the first few years of their life, but things have settled down nicely at home – you’re no longer being driven to distraction. You’re getting your life back together, so, after discussions with the other half, you consider ‘declaring’ and having ‘the snip’.

Sounds simple, doesn’t it? But there’s plenty to consider before allowing a stranger to slice through your scrotum. Mind you, it’s either that or risk producing yet another screaming poo machine, so read on.

This just about sums it up 

What exactly does ‘Vasectomy’ mean?
Permanent contraception. This means no. more. babies.

How is it done?
If you’ve opted for surgery under a local (yep that’s right, you stay awake), you are numbed up with a jab of local anaesthetic. If you’d rather not be conscious, your doctor can knock you out with a general anaesthetic.

The surgeon will find your vas deferens (the tube sperm travels through from your testicles to your penis). This tiny tube is cut so that those pesky little sperm can’t get through. The tubes are tied up and you’re stitched up all in about 15 minutes.

What about afterwards?
Most blokes are back at work after a day or two. But, no bones (or boners) about it, you’ll be sore and you’ll be bruised. This will last a few days and after a week you should be happily back to sex and sports. Before that and there may be problems, sir. Painful problems.

Does it work straight away?
No, not straight away. Those fertile little tadpoles that were waiting ‘downstream’ for their shot still need to be fired off. Your Urologist will get you into the clinic and provide sperm samples so they can test for the presence of semen. Generally, it takes about three months before you can chuck out the condoms forever. Jerry Lee Lewis must have been talking about his recent vasectomy when he sang, ‘Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire!’