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For Guys

Top 10 cracker jokes

Cracker gags 

A roundup of the good, the bad and the downright ugly of Christmas cracker jokes

“I got my wife a wooden leg for Christmas. It’s not her main present – just a stocking-filler.”

“One snowman turns to another snowman and says, ‘Can you smell carrots?’” 

“On all fours with hands on the ground, forehead between hands, push forward with the legs, onto the back and then up onto the feet. It’s just how I roll.”

“What’s the fastest way to kill a circus troupe? Go straight for the juggler.”

“What did the chicken say to the librarian? Book book book book book.”

“Statistically, six out of seven dwarves aren’t Happy.”

“If you’re being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then onto a little see-saw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They train for that.”

“People said I’d never get over my Phil Collins obsession. Take a look at me now.”

“Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and asks, ‘Does this taste funny to you?’”

“Crime in multi-storey carparks – it’s wrong on so many levels.”