20: “Look, I’m a coach, I’m not Harry Potter. He is magical, but in reality there is no magic. Magic is fiction and football is real.”
Mourinho will be telling us that Santa Claus doesn’t exist next.
19: “My wife is in Portugal with the dog. The dog is with my wife so the city of London is safe, the big threat is away – you don’t have to worry about crime anymore.”
Mourinho has a go at the British police in 2007 after being arrested and cautioned for not obtaining a ‘pet passport’ for his Yorkshire Terrier.
18: “I don’t want to win the Europa League. It would be a big disappointment for me. I don’t want my players to feel the Europa League is our competition.”
Under difficult circumstances, Rafa Benitez’s Europa League win with Chelsea last May looked impressive. But not to Mourinho…
17: “If they made a film of my life, I think they should get George Clooney to play me. He’s a fantastic actor and my wife thinks he would be ideal.”
It pains me to say it, but there’s a reasonable similarity. Maybe he could set up a casting agency when he retires from football management?
16: “How do you say ‘cheating’ in Catalan?”
Mourinho is convinced that Lionel Messi play-acted to get Chelsea defender Asier del Horno’s sent off in their Champions League tie against Barcelona in 2006.
15: “If I wanted to have an easy job I would have stayed at Porto. Beautiful blue chair, the UEFA Champions League trophy, God, and after God, me.”
There’s more on Mourinho’s pally relationship with the man upstairs later.
14: “I thought he was going to thank me for the title I gave him. Inter fans would tell you how they really feel about it.”
Mourinho has yet another dig at Rafa Benitez after Inter Milan won the Club World Cup under the Spaniard in 2010. The Italian side qualified by winning the Champions League under Mourinho.
13 “My history as a manager cannot be compared with Frank Rijkaard’s history. He has zero trophies and I have a lot of them.”
Mourinho enjoyed having a dig at former Barcelona manager Frank Rijkaard as well. This was his blunt assessment of the Dutch coach in 2005.
12: “It’s like having a blanket that is too small for the bed. You pull the blanket up to keep your chest warm and your feet stick out. I cannot buy a bigger blanket because the supermarket is closed. But the blanket is made of cashmere.”
Mourinho gets poetic about a Chelsea injury crisis back in 2007.
11: “That was not a football score, it was a hockey score. In training I often play matches of three against three and when the score reaches 5-4 I send the players back to the dressing room, because they are not defending properly.”
Mourinho, predictably, is not impressed by the North London derby in November 2004 that ended 5-4 to Arsenal.
10: “I understand why he (Alex Ferguson) is a bit emotional. He has some of the top players in the world and they should be doing a lot better than that. You would be sad if your team gets as clearly dominated by opponents who have been built on 10% of the budget.”
Mourinho can’t resist a dig at Manchester United following his Porto side’s victory over the Red Devils in the Champions League in March 2004.
9: “Barcelona are a great club. But in 200 years of history they have won the European Cup only once. I have been managing for a few years and I have already won the same amount.”
Mourinho’s press conference taunt from back in 2006 would come back to haunt him as Barca went on to win the Champion League that year (and again in 2009 and 2011).
8: “Look at my haircut — I am ready for the war.”
Sporting a crew-cut, Mourinho tells Arsenal he is ready to fight to sign left-back Ashley Cole from their great rivals in 2006.
7: “I think he is one of these people who is a voyeur. He likes to watch other people. There are some guys who, when they are at home, have a big telescope to see what happens in other families. He speaks, speaks, speaks about Chelsea.”
One of many Mourinho digs at Arsenal boss Arsène Wenger (2005).
6: “If Roman Abramovich helped me out in training we would be bottom of the league and if I had to work in his world of big business, we would be bankrupt!”
Amid reports that Roman Abramovich was interfering with team selection, Mourinho launches a clever counter-attack.
5: “No eggs, no omelette. And it depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket, you have eggs class one, class two, class three. Some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose (high end British supermarket) and you cannot go there, you have a problem.”
The end is nigh. Mourinho rues the fact that Abramovich won’t let him sign the quality players he’s asked for.
4: “Pressure? There is no pressure. Bird Flu is pressure. (The Press laugh) No, you laugh, but I am being serious. I am more worried about the swan then I am about football.”
Mourinho speaking after the H5N1 virus spread to Britain, at a time when Chelsea’s lead in the EPL table over Manchester United had been cut to seven points.
3: “I studied Italian five hours a day for many months to ensure I could communicate with the players, media and fans. Ranieri had been in England for five years and still struggled to say ‘good morning’ and ‘good afternoon’.”
Mourinho has a dig after the then Juventus boss Claudio Ranieri criticised his coaching methods in 2008.
2: “He must really think I’m a great guy. He must think that, because otherwise He would not have given me so much. I have a great family. I work in a place where I’ve always dreamt of working. He has helped me out so much that He must have a very high opinion of me.”
Mourinho tells Spanish radio network Cope what he believed God thought about the Special One in 2011.
1: “I intend to give my best, to improve things and to create the football team in relation to my image and my football philosophy. We have top players and, sorry if I’m arrogant, we have a top manager. I’m not a defender of old or new football managers. I believe in good ones and bad ones, those that achieve success and those that don’t. Please don’t call me arrogant, but I’m European champion and I think I’m a special one.”
Mourinho delivers one of the most famous press conference lines in football history. Can you believe it was nearly a decade ago?