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10 jokes we’ve heard this month

Funny jokes 

1. ‘When I left home my mother said, ‘Don’t forget to write.’ I thought, ‘That’s unlikely – it’s a pretty basic skill.” Tim Vine

2. ‘Men are like parking spots. Sometimes I drive my car into them.’ Megan Amram

3. ‘I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.’ Jackie Mason

4. ‘If you haven’t experienced being a sperm cell fertilising an egg, then you haven’t lived’ Adam Bloom

5. ‘They’re, there, their. That’s how you console a pedant.’ Gary Delaney

6. ‘Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark.’ Homer Simpson

7. ‘Why did Marxist only drink herbal tea? Because all proper tea is theft.’ Anonymous

8. ‘My wife phoned me just before the show and said, ‘I’ve got water in the carburettor.’ I said, ‘Where’s the car?’ She said, ‘In the river.” Tommy Cooper

9. ‘Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxis and cutting hair.’ George Burns

10. ‘A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.’ Tim Allen